Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Good morning mustache

My husband is pretty much awesome.

(and if you pose right you can have funny little hat AND a mustache. Bonus!)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

It's Hard Out There for a Mom

I have never been an extremely empathetic person. It's not that I'm not caring, or capable of feeling for others, it just doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to others. I tend to be a pretty logical thinker, which often leads me to seeing things in black and white, whereas empathy requires a certain grey area that I don't always see right away.

So before, when I heard stories of the struggles of motherhood, I didn't fully understand. Sure, I figured being a mom was hard, but without the whole "walking a mile in their shoes" thing, I didn't fully get it. I remember seeing a bumper sticker on a car a few months ago that read "You don't work full time until you're a mom". I scoffed at it, thinking the driver was a self-righteous woman begging for attention and pity about how rough her life is. I mean, I worked full time, plus volunteered with Young Life and church, plus lead a small group etc and so on. Could having a couple of kids running around really make it so much harder?

Yes. Oh my lands, yes.

I'm only two weeks in to my new life as a mom, and let me just tell you. It is hard.

Getting up three times every night. Is hard.
When she cries emphatic, inconsolable tears, being the only one that can fix it. Is hard.
Feeling like you're going back on the internal promise to not turn into one of those lame mommy bloggers. Is hard.
Having all your muscles hurt, not being able to sit, or stand, or lay comfortably. Is hard.
Trying to dress to accommodate a between-sizes body, and maintain constant access to the boobs. Is hard.
Being needed, so badly needed, every two hours. Is hard.
Having to strategize time to shower, or eat, or poop (yeah, I went there, we're in the trust tree now). Is hard.
Managing crazy emotions, including random crying jags. Is hard.
Learning to rely on others, and feeling like you're burdening people with your weakness and neediness. Is hard.
Being alone all day (not counting a tiny nonverbal, poop machine). Is hard.
Feeling woefully underprepared and unqualified for the job of raising a human. Is hard.
Feeling like you can't possibly rise to this challenge, and feeling guilty for feeling that way. Is hard.

When they say "having a baby changes everything." They mean every. thing. In an abstract way I knew our lives would be different, but I thought maybe it'd be different in an "us + 1" kind of way. In reality, that +1 has completely changed who "us" is. I'm not just me with a baby. I'm a mom. And as much as I didn't want it to change me. It has. In ways that I don't even know or understand yet. Yes, tons of it is positive. I have a capacity to love like I never have, I've gained a new sense of family, I've found a nurturing and care-taking side of myself that I didn't always exercise. But so much is changing so fast, it's hard for me to even find myself in the midst of it. Navigating new situations, while barely knowing who you are, and how you fit in this new foreign life- is hard.

When I think of moms I know, my own mom, or even crazy licensee plate mom, I just want to apologize. I had no idea. No idea how hard it was. How brave you are. How lonely you might have been. Or how much you may have needed support and understanding. I have walked about a block and a half in "mom-shoes" and I have a glimpse of how difficult the journey can be at times. Thankfully I have an adorable baby, and a fantastic husband to come along side me in the trek. And a God that is teaching me patience, endurance, humility, love, and empathy.
The hard way.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

America's Next Top Baby Model

Before I had Piper, I always said that if my baby wasn't cute, I would know it. I would still love it, but refused to be one of those delusional moms that forces people into watching slideshows of their wrinkly, red, alien faced babies, cooing the entire time about how a-DOR-able it is. (You gotta see the bay-bee!).

So when I say my baby is cute, you have to believe me...For real. My baby is cute.

For the first week or so I could barely get up to move around, but that didn't stop my dream to do a newborn photoshoot of my girl. By the time she was a week old I felt good enough (or was just tired of waiting) to make it happen. I had no clue what I was doing, but I figured we'd give it a shot anyway. Luckily Dustin was accommodating (when is he not?) to my trademark over ambition, and helped me set up props, backdrops and ladders all over her nursery. We cranked up the portable heater and had a heating pad on standby as well- resulting in near tropical temperatures that had us sweating like pigs, but Piper loved every cozy minute of it. In fact, once we got it that warm, it was hard to even get her to sleep. I thought all the warmth and activity would knock her out, but she seemed to love it, and refused to shut her eyes. (well....she does still like to shut one eye sometimes, giving us a look we've dubbed Pirate Piper) Eventually though we were able to lull her to sleep and get some shots of our little nugget.

It's a struggle for me not to take photos of her all day, and between both of our cameras, and two iphones we've probably documented more of her first two weeks than our parents did our whole lives, but can I help it that she's the most adorable kid ever born?

You gotta see the baby...














I may be biased...but I can't even choose a favorite pic. I guess she's my favorite...every last bit of her.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wouldn't it be nice: November

Ahhhh maternity leave...12 weeks off of work, no cares in the world, just total baby bonding bliss...

Right?

I really didn't know what to expect with maternity leave. The part of me that is used to working nonstop thinks I'm going to be wildly bored. And the part of me that is tired of working nonstop, thinks I might love the opportunity to slow down for a bit.

But I am worried about feeling like I have enough to do. I know the whole "taking care of the baby" thing will fill a majority of my time, but as a naive first time mom, I do wonder sometimes how hard that can all be. Surely between the feeding, napping and diaper changes there's still ample down time right? I mean, I'm eliminating at least 40 hours of obligations a week...There can't possibly be that much baby poop (I hope, I hope)!

But then again, I've heard the horror stories of stay at home moms- never getting sleep, or even a chance to pee, let alone take a shower. People say the first couple months are totally exhausting and overwhelming and that it's accomplishment just to make it through each day.

I'm sure that as with most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle, so I'm interested to find out what my experience is. I'm such a planner it's hard for me to jump into a new experience with no idea where I'll fall on the spectrum. But the one thing I have heard consistently is that the time goes quickly, so regardless, I want to make sure I savor it, and make the most of it. The question is just what does "make the most of it" mean?

Is it spending all day snuggling my little baby bundle, or taking advantage of the free time in the day to get things done? Can it somehow be both?

No one has the answer to that, but I recently read about an idea that I really liked...so much so that I made it my resolution for November. I found an article about being a new mom (unfortunately I can't remember where I saw it...It might have been from Rookie Moms- a great source for clueless women like me!) that talked about giving up the idea of a to-do list...Because in the crazy first days of caring for a newborn baby, it can be self defeating to set your goals too high. That much life change is overwhelming, and having a list can lead to a sense of failure if you're not able to manage everything as well as you think you "should". (In general the very concept of "should" becomes a bad word in the world of mommy-hood. Too much room for negativity and guilt).

They suggest instead of crafting to-do's, focus on recording your "I did's". Imagine the sense of accomplishment of being able to cross everything off of your list at the end of the day...Because you wrote your list at the end of the day. And only included things you did! Sure, it's kind of cheating, but who's going to argue with 100% success rate?!

So in the month of November, as my girl and I settle in to our brand new lives together, I'm trying to cut myself some slack, and take pride in what I do get done...even if that's just keeping the little one alive (not exactly a small task). Problem is I am a HUGE to-do list person. Mostly it's not bad, because it keeps me motivated and organized, but when tasks linger day after day it does lead to stress and a feeling that I should be better. That's not at all how I want to remember these precious few weeks with my daughter, so I'm attempting at least a temporary view shift, and will aim to focus more on my successes than pie in the sky goals. Sure, I'll have tasks that need to get done, or projects I want to attempt, which is fine- but hopefully I can relax a bit and settle into the pace of being a new mom. If some days I cheer just for getting out of bed, then so be it. (and some days I think I'll stay in bed on purpose...productivity be darned).

Piper has been home with us for a little over a week (we came home last Sunday) and I've already seen the need for the new mindset. I mistakenly thought I would waltz right out of the hospital without issue but it's taken me longer than I expected to heal. I expected to spend the first week focused solely on my baby's needs, but I've found that I needed full time care and attention too. As a result, I've had to morn the loss of some postpartum dreams I didn't even know I had. It was so hard for me to readjust my expectations, and realize that not only was I not going to be supermom, I would have to ask for help with everything. It was a struggle for me not to feel like a failure when I couldn't hobble across the room to pick up my daughter, and had to leave the bulk of her care (minus the feeding) to Dustin or my mom. I cried daily, wishing I could just sit up to feed and burp her, sad that I couldn't have people over to meet her, upset that I didn't have the energy or the stamina to do the simplest of tasks, like bathing or dressing her. So I had to make a choice, instead of beating myself over what I couldn't do (which in the short term, included almost everything), I had to focus on what I could do. I ate healthy, drank tons of fluids, tried to sleep as much as possible, and fed her every couple of hours without fail. That may not have been my ideal to-do list in the beginning, but it was the best I-did list I could muster.

And so far, Piper is just fine. She gained a pound in just a week, confirmation that I was at least doing something right. Dustin got some valuable Daddy-time before he returned to work, and my mom got to spend a ton of time with her granddaughter, as well as taking care of me, (which she swears she enjoys). And for my part, I've learned a little bit about being vulnerable, and accepting help from others. Imagine that- motherhood taking me on a journey I didn't anticipate, and teaching me lessons I didn't expect. Something tells me there's much more of that to come.

So all that being said- here is my "I Did" list from today:
  • Feed and change Piper by myself- I managed to do such impressive tasks as sitting and standing, which allowed me to burp her, take her to her room to change her, and even nurse her from a chair, rather than bed. Thank heaven for small miracles.
  • Take a nap- I didn't prioritize sleep enough over the last couple of days, and ended up exhausted by early evening. Today I shut an US weekly (the self control!) and took advantage of Piper's nap as a chance to take my own.
  • Dry my hair- and not just the front. I went the extra mile, using a straightening iron and skipping a headband- hot mama!
  • Try cloth diapers- We want to give cloth diapering a shot, but with me out of commission, it didn't seem like the ideal time to start. But today we had some downtime, and enough energy to give them a try. We haven't come even close to mastering it, but we're at least attempting it.
  • Leave the house- this was HUGE. I missed both of Piper's first pediatrician appointments, which broke my heart, but I was in no shape to get in the car or sit in a waiting room. Up until today my only trip outside the house was to see my doctor and beg for more drugs, so any sort of voluntary outing was a big accomplishment. My mom helped me out (no driving while on Percocet!) and we mastered such firsts as packing the diaper bag, and using the car seat. We spent a blissful hour at Target, purchasing no less than $200 worth of goodies, and generally restoring my sense of being a normal human again. Retail therapy for sure.
  • Eat pie. C'mon, every list needs a gimme.
So that's November's focus- a goal to have fewer goals. It may be harder than I think, but I have a feeling that is the new theme of my life. And I'm ok with that.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Making Maternity Memories

Little Miss Piper is surely taking over around here, and it's equal parts completely strange to have a baby in house, and utterly unimaginable that there was a time that we didn't know her. But indeed there were pre-Piper days...lots of them, and we were lucky enough to get to document the very end of our baby-less life with a maternity photoshoot.

As soon as I got pregnant (ok, and WAY before) I knew I wanted to do a maternity shoot. It's not that I exactly love getting my picture taken- I'm kind of indifferent to that- I just love the idea of recording the crazy stage of life. And though we snap photos all the time around here, we haven't had anything professional taken since our wedding, so my baby bump seemed like the perfect excuse to do a real deal photoshoot.

Luckily we are friends with a super talented photographer (he didn't pay us to say that...we actually paid him!) Anthony Barlich, and he was up for the challenge of capturing my big self on film. He had never actually done a maternity shoot before, but we figured it's pretty much the same as engagement pictures...if the girl in question had gotten herself "in trouble". (For what it's worth, I was probably more nervous than he was- I sort of hated having our engagement pictures taken...it felt awkward to stand around stage-kissing and looking lovingly at each other while someone watched. Imagine now having to just stand around like a lump trying to "glow" for the camera. Strange!) I did have pretty strict rules for him though- I refused to take off my shirt (you can tell how big the belly is through a layer of cotton...no need to get graphic), I would not be wrapped in any sort of sheet or gauzy fabric, and Dustin was not to put his hands on my belly in the shape of a heart at any point (or kiss the belly. no.) It's fine if that's what you're in to...that's just not my scene. So we agreed to keep it as non-cheesy as possible, and I trusted Barlich to capture the maternity magic of it all without the cliches.

We actually had to postpone the shoot once because the time he planned to be back in Pittsburgh (from his sweet Chicago life) I didn't think I was big enough yet. I told him that's probably the first and last time he'll have a client push a date back because they want to gain some weight! By the time he was back in town, I was exactly one week away from my due date- so we were no longer worried that I was too small- we were just hoping I was still actually pregnant by the time he got there. But our little girl stayed put, God blessed us with the most beautiful day we've had in weeks, I put my "I'll look fat, and dumb,and lame" worries aside, and Dustin put on a sweater! And big boy shoes! We were ready...

And Barlich brought his A-game.

I am in love with what he captured, and so thankful that we were able to set aside an afternoon to record the end of an era.
















I tried to narrow it down to my favorites here, but I pretty much love them all...so the whole batch is posted on Facebook. Thanks again to Barlich for all of your hard work to make this special for us. Even Piper agrees that you were a wizard at capturing her good side..and she's a tough critic.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sweet Piper Jane


Piper Jane Bowden
Born 11/4/11
8:29 PM
8lbs 12oz
21.5" long


One week ago we were anxiously awaiting your arrival. Now we're slowly but surely getting to know the newest member of our family. So far we've learned:
  • You love to be swaddled, and have taught your daddy how to get your arms secured tightly so you can't escape.
  • You hate being naked, or cold, or naked and cold.
  • You love to sleep, happily snoozing through the day (in fact I think we only see your eyes about twenty minutes a day).
  • You hate baths. (see: naked, cold.)
  • You love to eat. In the rare moments you aren't sleeping, you want to be eating (can't say that I blame you).
  • You hate to be kept waiting- when you're hungry, you're hungry now. You'll give a small warning by smacking your lips and turning your head side to side looking for food...but if we don't heed that, it's cry time. Big time.
  • You love to pee on your grandma whenever she changes your diapers. (we secretly think it's pretty funny, but you should probably stop before she starts to think you don't like her.)


You are a girl with a thousand faces, a total snugglebug, a poop machine, a calm soul with a passionate streak. You are our sweet Piper Jane.


We may have only known you a week...but we're in love forever.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Baby B's New Digs

No...we didn't have the baby yet (she is due today...but seems to be pretty comfy where she is!) But we have the next best thing: The baby's ROOM! I sort of scooped myself on this one, posting the first look at Baby B's room on Project Nursery- but thanks to all of your views and Facebook "likes", we were featured as Project of the Week (thanks everyone!!), so I really can't be upset that Bowdenisms didn't carry our own exclusive. (p.s. people have been asking what I "win" for being chosen....and I'm pretty sure it's just bragging rights. And so I'm bragging!!)

But it gets even better...another one of my favorite nursery blogs (yes, I have many!) Chic & Cheap Nursery, is featuring our room too! Check out our post- with lots more details and photos!

So for anyone still here...even though you've already seen some of the shots, there is (much much) more to the story, and we're excited to show you where our little bug will be spending her time. First: A reminder of what we started with:


A mixture of a blank slate...and a complete mess.

First step was to remove the wallpaper. And OH MAN what a task this was. We didn't realize the room even had wallpaper when we first moved in because the walls were all painted with a seasonal mural. We painted over that with a light grey, but it took about a million coats to fully cover it. Only when we were done did we discover that there were seams on the walls...telling us we had now fully sealed about 8 paint layers over wallpaper. Ugh. This time around we could have painted over it again, but we were worried that it was going to start to bubble, and in the long run, starting with clean walls would be a better choice. And we had already removed wallpaper from the guest bedroom, so how hard could it be, right? Spoiler alert- really freaking hard. The paint had pretty much formed an impenetrable force field over the wallpaper. We spent the better portion of a week steaming, scraping, and silently praying the paper off the walls. Thank goodness we had help.






But eventually we reached that light at the end of the tunnel, and we were ready to paint (well...prime...and then paint...)



I knew I wanted grey walls, and after much hemming and hawing (my signature move when it comes to selecting paint) I chose Mickey's Shadow. Yes, it hurts my design pride a little to say I picked a Disney paint (for a nursery! so cliche!), but it's really a gorgeous color. The bigger undertaking was my plan for the ceiling- STRIPES! I had seen a few inspiration images with striped ceilings, and fallen in love. Dustin tried everything to talk me out of it, but it was too late. My heart was set on it. Thank goodness (again!) we had help!

Taping off the ceiling was quite a task- it took three of us, a laser level and a math degree, but we got it done. (in this first photo you can see that we tried no less than four variations of grey for the ceiling. I had the paint mixed at least twice, and hated both, so I eventually resorted to mixing white ceiling paint in the grey until I deemed it acceptable. See? Signature move!)

(look at my mom- what a trooper!)




And it ended up being everything I dreamed of. (Just to be extra thorough we painted all the trim with a fresh coat of white. Nothing is too good for our baby!)

The other thing I knew I couldn't live without (dramatic is my decorating style): a chalkboard wall. Dustin happily obliged, but in hindsight we should have realized we wanted it to be magnetic before we painted with the chalkboard paint. Could have saved us hours of work....but I digress.


Next big project: The changing table dresser. We were super lucky to get a dresser for free from my mom's neighbor. It wasn't in the best shape- note the giant hole in the top, accompanied by circles of putty from the previous patch job...

We ended up having to do this piece twice, after our first attempt to patch the hole with wood filler and cover with veneer was a big bubbly failure. (of course we didn't know it failed until after we painted it. The nursery was becoming headquarters for Murphy's law at this point). The second round we added a sheet of flat white-board paneling, which did the trick.

But the fun didn't stop there, It was time to rope Dustin into another "looks so easy, but will end up taking you all day and temporarily squelch your will to live" type of project: Converting an old ikea chair into a glider/rocker. It seemed like a simple enough concept- purchase an old recliner from craiglist, take off of the base, attach it to our existing chair, done. And in theory it was that simple- it just wasn't easy. If the base wasn't in the exact right spot the chair would tip funny, leaning too far to the front or back. Poor Dustin had to try about five different times to get it just right.



But his persistence paid off. We're rocking now!


At this stage in the game, I think I kind of ran out of steam when it came to documenting the rest of our progress. The big big projects were out of the way, but the list of to-dos was still daunting, so we put our heads done and set about gettin' 'er done. We tackled:
  • making "pelmet boxes" for the windows- a job that took an entire roll of duct tape, a glue gun, a staple gun, and wall brackets before successful completion. (nevermind the fact that I had to go through two rounds of fabric before finding one I liked)
  • sewing an ottoman cover (my first time making my own piping!), and an adjustable crib skirt (so refreshingly easy!)
  • assembling a rug- We spent roughly an hour comparing rugs at Ikea (not to mention weeks of online research), finally purchased one, only to get it home and hate it. Then inspiration struck when I found a doormat sized rug that I loved- I decided to give it a shot and order six, with the plan to assemble them into one giant rug. It worked out beautifully- but only after I ordered another round of six rugs because I wasn't totally thrilled with the color mix of the first few. We chose our favorite of the whole bunch and made one large rug. It's quite possibly my favorite thing in the room (which is really saying something). It's totally one of a kind, and was just as cheap as any other option we found.
  • building book ledges- This one was super easy (for me!) because I had the dream team of workers- Dustin, my dad, and my step dad. They custom built all eight shelves in one morning!
  • painting and hanging the frame collection- I painted a ton of frames we had laying around, found and made art for them all, nailed them up to the wall....and....hated it. It looked great by itself, but once we had all the books on the opposite wall, the room was just getting too busy. And the nails weren't working out well either- I was worried it would be all too easy for little roaming hands to knock them off the wall. So we started this project over too- stripping all the art, filling the holes, and instead attaching the frames to the wall with velcro. In the end, I much prefer this look, and it takes advantage of the chalkboard wall much better than the initial attempt.
After all that, we just had to assemble some furniture, place all our accessories, and our months long labor of love was over. Like most projects around here, it was a ton of work- at times much more than we bargained for. There were definitely points when were beyond frustrated, when I couldn't find the look I was going for, or when a project failed and we had to start over. But all of the late nights, and the repeat trips to Lowe's were worth it. We were able to build a room I'm extremely proud of- and totally in love with.























I think the only thing that would make this room better is having a little girl to sleep in it at night. Guess we've got one more thing on the to-do list after all.