Friday, August 30, 2013

Friday fun: Richy Rich

I'm a question asker by nature. I was always a curious kid, and I'm still that way. (And by that way, I probably mean nosy, but lets go with inquisitive.) I could stay up all night playing "Would you Rather" or swapping questions from "Table Topics". After a million or so rounds of the game Truth (because after the 8th grade, who has time- or energy- for Dare?) I have my set of go to questions, and thus, have never seen a random wedding reception table, church mixer, baby shower crowd or office party I couldn't get talking...

Today I thought we'd play a virtual round of Q&A, and I'll pose my favorite question to you- the Internet masses:

What is one thing that is commonplace to you now, but as a kid, you thought it signified being rich?

To help you out- my answer is fancy shaped mac and cheese. 

We ate mac and cheese constantly when I was little, and even splurged for Kraft, vs the store brand. But my dad taught me from a young age to look at unit prices, and to this day I can tell you regular noodles come in a 7.25oz box, while the spirals I so coveted, are only 5.5oz. He rationalized that it doesn't make any sense to pay the same amount for less, just for the fancy shape. And all I remember thinking, was wouldn't it be nice to be rich, so we could have all the wheels, and spirals, and dino's we could eat?!


We got crazy the other night and cooked Madagascar macaroni. The box was a birthday gift from a friend (seriously) and I a savored every bite- thinking "I've finally made it."

So what's your rich kid tale? It could be a brand name doll, an ice maker fridge...I've even heard sprinkles on an ice cream cone (apparently that family took frugality pretty seriously). I relate to a lot of people's responses, but sometimes they're just hysterical. Example? Dustin's answer is "meat". Hilariously, tragically, true. We'll see if he'll elaborate in the comments. (Oh- and it doesn't have to be food- that's just how we Bowdens roll.)

Leave a comment, and laugh at the comparative luxury we must all live in now!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Long and Short of it

What's that parenting saying?

The days are long.....


The days are long, the naps are short?


Or is it:
The tantrums are long, my temper is short?

Or:
The weeks are long, the weekends are short.


Or maybe:
The days are long the socially-acceptable-time-period-for-screen-time-as-a-babysitter is short.


Wait..I think it's: 
The days are long, my child bosses are short. 

True. So true.

(To help your day go a little quicker- I give you some totally unrelated pictures of Pipes enjoying a friend's cozy coupe.)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Rescuers

I heard the baby start to fuss last night. Not crying, but just quiet baby grunts and sighs as she struggled to get settled back to sleep. At first I went to jump up to get her, but then I paused, thinking "I don't want her to think always think I'm going to rescue her."

But wait....

Don't I want her to think that?

It's true that I don't want my girls to be helpless. I don't want them to fold under pressure and underestimate their own skills. I don't want them to give up too soon when faced with challenges, or to discount their strength and smarts. 

But do I want them to think I will rescue them?

Absolutely. 

Every time. 

Flopsy-mopsy still needs a helping hand...pretty much all the time. 

It's not to say I'll never allow them to struggle, or that I'll swoop in the second I sense trouble. But I want them to know that no matter what- I am always there.

The more I get into this parenting thing, the more I'm struck with how God fathers me. He doesn't save me from all trials. He doesn't isolate me from heartbreak. But He also never leaves. When I get myself into a mess big enough to cause me to finally (finally...my stubborn self) call out for help- He's there. Absolutely. Every time. (How very "footprints in the sand" of him)


And that's the example I want to follow with my girls. (the role models don't get much better than God, right?) I want to watch them grow, support their decisions, give them room to run, but provide a safe place for them to fall when needed. I'm a firm believer that some lessons have to be learned the hard way (probably because I'm someone who still has to learn everything the hard way...) so I'll try to stay on the sidelines when they're muddling through those situations. But I want to be close by. Close enough to kiss the boo boos when they fall (while encouraging them to get back up) and close enough to listen when they're heartbroken. 


It's not about giving them a safety net.  Except maybe it is. And I'm ok with that.

I pray that they have the bravery to try to fly, the wisdom to know when to ask for help, and the trust to allow me to hover. Just a little. You know...until they're 65 or so...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Finley Faces: Two Months



I wrote a big long winded list of two month details regarding our little lady, but I'll save that one for the baby book and  spare you the eat/sleep/poop recap. What I want you to know about our two months with Miss Finley is that it's been the best of times, it's been the worst of times.

She has brought us such indescribable joy, but she has also worn us down to our bare selves, and that is not the prettiest of sights, to put it mildly.

God is using this one. Her needs have ripped off the tidy covers I keep on my heart, and exposed the raw ugliness that lies within. My selfishness, pride, laziness, bitterness, anger- it's all surfacing, and I've become painfully aware that I can't parent this one...these two...without Christ to cover my weaknesses. 

She is a delightful baby. She's squishable, she's smiley, she's irresistible. It's not her fault. If she was a slightly "easier" baby, I might be able to push a little further on my own strength, but something tells me that I'd still fall short. And for that I should be thankful, because she's teaching me that I will always fall short, and reminding me that I have a God who will meet me, wherever I land. 

I pray that she inherits any ounce of goodness that is within either one of Dustin or me, but also that she may quickly realize that there is no true Good apart from Him. It's taking me a long time to realize that, and as tired and broken as I am, I'm also thankful for the opportunity to be better. To be bettered.

---------------------------------------------------

(Side note: If you're wondering...she still looks nothing like Piper...)

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Show Your Real: Melissa

Today is a bit of a change of pace for the Show Your Real series...and guess what: I'm excited about it! (But that shouldn't surprise you. I say that every time. But I can't help it. Every time I get a new post in my inbox from a contributor, it's pretty much like Christmas!)

Melissa is writing today, and she's my real life friend. Ok, more like real life friend of a friend, but I knew her long before our online lives collided, so it's extra fun for me to have her share here. She's also got a different take on things because she's not a mom (yet. I hope she will be someday, because she and Jeff are sure to have some beautiful, talented babies. And the world always needs more of those). Things were getting a little motherhood heavy around here...not that there's anything wrong with that...but I love getting a glimpse into a different phase of life. And hopefully you all will be able to relate a bit to what she has to say. She's got what many people (myself included) would think of as a dream life- young, married, glamorous job, business owner (plus she has a super cute puppy!) And while all of that is real, there is more behind the scenes that is even more real, and I love that she's willing to share those parts too.

So even if you aren't a dog loving, ridiculously tall and gorgeous, super baker, I know you'll like hearing about someone who is...and you'll definitely want to follow along with her delicious adventures. Check out her instagram accounts: @melissaroses and @sweetmelissacake.)

 -----------------------------

Hey there, how are ya? My name is Melissa. I hope you're having an awesome day so far! If you’re not, be encouraged that your awesome day can begin right this moment and that alarm clock that didn’t go off or that fender bender you got in this morning is just a colorful start to your day.


(that’s a gratuitous picture of myself. Most days it’s more like this):

 
I’m excited to share a bit about my life with you, but first I must say that I was pretty excited (flattered even!) when Courtney wrote asking me to be a part of this little community of truth she has cultivated here. I used to blog for a few years on Tumblr and I struggled constantly with comparing myself, my life, my career, and my relationships to those shiny, perfect(ly edited) ones I saw every day in the blogosphere. Needless to say, I really believe in this initiative to be real with each other because let’s face it; comparison is the thief of joy and us ladies are way too hard on ourselves. We need to give ourselves Grace!

Ok. Where to begin?
I’m a 26 year old living in Raleigh NC with my awesome husband Jeff and our tiny dog Arlowe. We’re obsessed with that little guy and this adventure the Lord has taken us on. You see, we moved to Raleigh in June of 2012. Prior to this awesome little city, we spent two years in a tiny town in upstate NY for Jeff’s job and I struggled HARD there. NY was a difficult, depression-filled, desperate season of my life, but that’s another story for another post. The moral of that for me was to lean on the Lord, and the harder it is to do so, the more I need to do so. God lifted us out of one of the hardest seasons of life and dropped us in this charming little city where we found authentic friendships, a solid church, great jobs, and even blessed us with a brand new home.



So back to present day life:
By day, I’m a litigation paralegal. Do you watch Law and Order/Matlock/Judge Judy/The Practice/JAG/Boston Legal? Yeah, it’s not like that in real life. Most days I open mail, file a ton of papers, and try to avoid office drama like the plague. I actually struggle every single day with working in an office. I know in all corners of my heart that the Lord has created me for bigger and better things. He created me to live and be and adventure and move and dance and love and create. It’s a struggle to physically sit for 7.5 hours every day. I hate feeling chained to a desk. I have to punch a time clock which I think is both degrading and humiliating. (How’s that for real?)
By night, I work in the wedding industry as both a wedding coordinator and a cake designer. Two separate gigs, same industry. I utterly love the whole wedding coordinator thing. It’s fun and exciting and insane all in the same day. No two days are ever the same. Pick up 500 krispy kreme donuts on the way to the church? Check. Find the DJ who is holed up in a quiet room eating dinner when the father of the bride is trying to do his toast? Check. Attend a wine tasting at 8am on a Tuesday morning? Check. Calm a crying bride when her bridesmaids are an hour late because they were shopping at the mall and they have her mom’s dress in their car? Check. Organize 200 totally smashed wedding guests and try to get them all holding LIT sparklers at the exact same moment to create that perfect getaway photo? Check. Check. Check.


(shameless wedding coordination selfie!)

Is it glamorous? Not exactly. It’s a very long day in heels and a pretty dress doing things that are better suited to jeans and sneakers (moving a 200 lb flower arrangement? Par for the course.) But it is the most fun and fulfilling job I’ve ever done outside of working at Younglife camp. Not a wedding goes by where I don’t pause for a moment during the ceremony and reminisce about our own wedding day, fall in love with Jeff all over again, and text him “I LOVE YOU!”. It’s crazy and chaotic but SO MUCH FUN.

And the wedding cake thing? Oh yeah, I own that business: Sweet Melissa Cake. That’s something I’ve been developing for years to become a business  that can allow me to leave the desk thing and do something creative to earn a living. It’s fun (I LOVE that moment when the cake is delivered and set up and it all comes together and the hours in a hot kitchen become worth it). It’s challenging (not a cake goes by where I don’t pray with all my might that the delivery goes smoothly). It’s fulfilling (the wedding cake tasting is usually the couple’s-and always the groom’s- favorite part of wedding planning). Owning a business is a million things. I love the independence. I grow discouraged when I don’t make much money from it. I struggle with realizing that I cannot and should not derive my self worth from it (‘What do you mean they don’t like that frosting?’- That’s a shot right to my heart.) I have to constantly ask myself and check my heart why I’m doing this. Is it to be known in the wedding industry? Unfortunately, yeah, that ugly pride is in my heart. Should it be purely to serve others on the most special day of their life? Yes.

Guess what else?

I’ve recently started an Etsy shop to sell my handmade sugar flowers for wedding cakes AND handmade fresh floral crowns (also another story for another post). Why you ask? Because I’m a serial entrepreneur and that A.D.D.  Check out the store but don’t judge because it’s legit like a week old.

So, in summary, my REAL day-in-the-life-of-a wedding planner/paralegal/professional baker/20-something wife goes a little like this:
Alarm goes off at 7:30, snooze 5 times and roll out of bed at 8:05. Throw on whatever isn’t wrinkled yet it office appropriate jet out the door at 8:15 8:20, hop on my Vespa, and get to work at 8:35 (5 minutes late. Almost every day.) Hubby picks up dunkin donuts coffee and drops it off to me around 9 (I’m spoiled) and he heads to work. I do the day job thing, talking myself down from desperation several times until lunch, where I scoot home, walk Arlowe, grab something to eat, and head back to the office. When 5:00 rolls around my heart is beating out of my chest with joy. I head home, walk Arlowe, figure out something for dinner, vacuum, and pick up around the house till Jeff gets home. Then we will eat, and usually we’re both answering emails/doing work, or I’ll occupy myself with a house project (currently painting our garage) until Big Brother comes on. Then Jeff insists on falling asleep on the couch while I pursue Pinterest or Instagram and doze off myself.

Such a glamorous life.
------------------------------------- 


Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 


    Tuesday, August 13, 2013

    Life with Two Under Two: The "Vacation" Edition

    If you've been following my instagram, you know I've been spending quite a bit of time in Columbus visiting my family.  My mom is a teacher, and I'm on maternity leave, which means for the first time in ten years, we both have extended breaks at the same time. So I'm taking advantage. I took advantage literally when we sent Piper there for a week on her own, but since then I've packed up both girls twice for a week at Grandma's. Only I got to come too. 


    I've been sharing tons of pics, but they only tell part of the story...the fun part (The visits even have their own hashtag: #partyatgmiandpapas). And we are definitely having fun, but there's also a fair bit of down time (and some downer time, when a certain little girl decides to throw a tantrum) so I wanted to be transparent about that. (And record it for later so I don't forget what this time was actually like.) Jacci did an awesome job describing the typical issue with Instagram photos (have you read her post yet? Seriously...go do it. It's the best). I wouldn't want any mom of little ones who is feeling overwhelmed to look at our photo stream and think I'm gallivanting off to the pool on my own with the girls everyday without a care in the world. In fact- I'm not doing much on my own at all. And carefree isn't exactly an adjective I would use about our lives right now.
     We got responsibilities...mouths to feed.

    So I thought I would share a bit more about our routine. I hope it's encouraging to know it's possible to live it up, even in this crazy season of life. But also helpful to know that no one has it all together- no matter how many smiling snippets you may see online. 

    Morning:
    We start between 6:30 and 7:30 depending on when the girls wake up. (I never wake up before them...I don't even try). I give Finley her first feed of the day while my mom gets Piper breakfast. I change the baby, brush my teeth, put in contacts, and then I pump (I'm working on building up my stash of milk for when I return to work). Fin is usually happy to sit in her bouncy chair, and Piper plays with my mom. (If we were at home she'd be watching TV while Dustin got ready for work. That's real, folks).

    I've found I get stir-crazy if I don't leave the house during the day, so even though it can be a hassle and tends to add to my exhaustion, I try to plan some sort of outing every day. Afternoon is tough because of Piper's nap, so we have to hit it hard in the morning if we want to make something of the day. I grab a quick shower, and the secret to my success in the last 2 months is finding a haircut that only requires a shampoo every two days. My time in the morning is precious and I hate wasting 30 minutes just putting myself together each day (but I'm vain enough that I won't just throw on a headband and some yoga pants. If I look good, I feel good, and anything to make me feel less frumpy these days is worth the effort.) Oh, and I grab breakfast at some point, usually after Finley is down for her first nap of the day, around 8 or 9.

    I plan outings around Finley's eating schedule, so we get ready to roll so that the minute I'm done nursing we can jump in the car. With her only going 2-3 hours between "meals", you gotta get while the gettin's good. This week we really went for it- we went to the pool, helped set up my mom's classroom, went boating, played at the mall cesspool- I mean play area, visited the park, and went out for breakfast. Whew! And I have to say, having an extra set of hands (or two) was crucial. Fin is an easy going baby and typically sleeps for a good portion of our outing, but when she does need to eat again, it's challenging (at best) to keep a toddler safe and happy for 30 minutes while I feed/change/burp the baby. Plus, even when she is asleep, there's the matter of not wanting to abandon Fin in her carrier while I play with Piper, so I try to keep an eye on her, and stay within earshot should she need something. (A little hard to do at the pool).




    So if you do see us out, you'll either catch us during an easy time, where Fin is sleeping and my only task is to wrangle Piper while keeping an eye out for baby snatchers, or you're likely to find me sweating at the park under an umbrella (if we're lucky enough to find one) with a baby under a nursing cover while I shout to Piper to please leave the mulch on the ground. Our outings were much more ambitious this week because I knew I'd have a partner to help with one kid or the other, and I was so thankful for the time to spend focus on just one person's needs, while still getting to feel like we were having some fun. 


    That's Fin's "I'm having fun" face.
     
    We try to wrap it up by noon, before Piper gets too sleepy. Then we get a quick lunch. I don't know how she does it, but Fin always seems to need to eat at the exact same time as Piper, so if I'm really lucky I have time to plunk some food on Piper's try before having my hands tied up. Or more likely- I have my parents take care of mealtime while I tend to the baby (again). I eat last, which I'm getting used to, it just means I have to pack a snack for the morning or I won't make it. 

    Afternoon:
    Piper's nap is typically around 1, but I'll move it up or back by as much as an hour. Typically the shift would be based on how much sleep she seems to need, but now I move it so it can align as much as possible with Finley's schedule. Ideally I put Piper down just before Fin starts to get antsy, and then I bounce Fin off to dreamland too. I can only count on about an hour of sleep out of either of them (where do I sign up for these 3 hour nap type kids? Did I miss that somewhere?!) so time is of the essence. It's tempting to take that snippet of the day to get something done, or do something I enjoy like reading etc, but I've found I'm miserable without a nap. I'd love to be one of those moms who scurried around tidying the house, or whipping up crafts during the afternoon quiet time, and maybe someday I will be. But for now- I have to sleep, and I'm learning to prioritize that need and not feel shame about it. 

    After they're up, I feed the baby again (heaven help us if this overlaps the time when Piper is just waking up, as she tends to need a good 15 minutes at least of one-on-one attention to help her "get up on the right side of the crib" so to speak). We usually only have a couple of hours until dinner, so we'll play around the house and read books until we're ready to eat.

     A preview of what 3 under 4 could be like...yikes.
    Evening:
    Dinner is around 5 or 6. This week we went out a lot, which is fun, but I ended up having to nurse a baby during at least 2 of our meals, giving me the choice to try to spoon food in with my left hand, or allow it to get cold until I could finish and hand her off to someone else. Or there was the night when Piper spontaneously puked on the way to dinner and we had to turn around and go home. Or the night when we stayed at the park too long, and ended up eating panera salads at 8:30 after the kids were in bed. So....we're flexible on dinner.
    So many helpers!

    We do bathtime every other night (Piper has also found a hairstyle that can do with intermittent washings- it's called a toddler mullet!) and have a pretty typical routine of jammies, books, teeth brushing, and bed around 7:30 or 8. Pretty much every night I could count on tip-toeing out of Piper's room (after shushing her and getting her to lay back down no less than 3 times) only to be greeted by Finley's wails, letting me know she'd like to eat again. So by the time she's fed and swaddled up, the full bedtime routine for the two of them takes about an hour to an hour and a half. I mandated a strict 10pm bedtime for myself, based on the "sleep when the baby sleeps" rule. I'm usually exhausted by then anyway, but even if I do have the energy to stay up, I'll pay for it later, so I've found it's not worth it.

     Finley catching a snooze at Vacation Bible School. 
    Gotta get those zzzz's when you can.

    Fin wakes me another 2-3 times in the night to eat (typically around 1, and 4, with an extra round squeezed in there if she's feeling particularly needy) and before you know it...we start the whole cycle over again.
    ---------------

    You'll notice a few things are conspicuously missing from this routine (on my part anyway): grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. It's been such a gift to not have to worry about managing a household during these two weeks...and it's allowed us the extra bonus of some time for Dustin to get things done around our house without a toddler underfoot (or a baby in his arms). 

    You'll also notice a few other things are missing: exercise, hobbies, time to myself, and time with my husband (or any other adult really, without a child wailing for attention nearby). It's hard to feel that my whole day is consumed with the wants and needs of these little people, but I'm trying to remember that it's only for a (relatively) short season. Soon Finley won't have to eat every 15 minutes (ok...it just seems like that often) and she'll get more of a bedtime routine, allowing Dustin and I at least a little time to ourselves each day. But for now, we're in it real deep, as they say. And I'm more than a little grateful for the help I've gotten over the last few weeks, allowing me a little bit of margin to better soak up this time with my girls. Without it, I know I'd be merely struggling to survive everyday, so this "vacation" time with my family has blessed me by allowing me just enough space from the chaos to feel like every once in a while, we might actually be thriving.  

    For those if you who stay home full time, raise littles without help from family, or even parent on your own- hats off to you. It is a tough, tough gig. We certainly don't have it all figured out...but we're getting by. And making the most of it as much as we can.

    Friday, August 9, 2013

    (Not so) Deep Thoughts

    Time for some Friday Fun!

    The lovely Rachel, has bestowed upon me a prestigious award, known as a Liebster. Ok...it might be more of a chain letter than an award, but she still bestowed it upon me. And when someone bestows something upon you, you don't unbestow it. Or ignore the bestowing. So Rachel, I graciously accept. And for my acceptance speech, I will answer the 11 questions she's posed to her honorees. I figure it's a fun follow up to my effort to be less meticulous at times, and just share some randoms from our life. So here goes: 

    1. In what type of car did you take your drivers test? (and, did you pass the first time?)

    My choices at the time were my parents car- a Toyota Four Runner (try to get that beast through the maneuverability portion? No thanks!) and a Honda Del Sol (I could drive manual, but didn't need that kind of pressure on my big day.)

    Tangent rant: my mom taught me how to drive stick before I even had my license, and I'm so grateful. When people tell me they don't know how to drive manual, vi kind of want to punch them...and then teach them to drive. In my opinion, there's no excuse for not knowing that. I mean, you don't have to want to do it everyday (that's my makeup applying hand!) (kidding) (kind of). But to say you'll never need to know that is just not true. What if your friend has too much to drink and you have to drive them home in their 5-speed? What if you're stranded in the woods being chased by an axe murderer and you stumble upon an abandoned truck with the keys in it? (It could happen!) What if you win a tropical vacation complete with house rental and a free dune buggy? See? It's a matter of survival. 

    Long story long- I borrowed a Toyota Camry from my Young Life leader and passed on my first try. Though I learned a valuable lesson about stop bars. They're a thing...if you're under 16, I suggest you look it up. 

    2. Where would like to spend your retirement years?  Hometown? Exotic location?


    Can I cop out and say both? In my imaginary retirement years, we are fabulously wealthy, so we have a house in my hometown, near all of my family, and a vacation home someplace warm (for when we tire of all that family). I'm thinking a Caribbean island, or maybe somewhere with a bit drier heat, like Arizona or Palm Springs. Or maybe we'll finally make our dreams come true and move to The Villages (aka Disneyland for "active adults"). Now I just have to make sure my kids know they have to live near me, but something tells me if I have all that money, and we offer to babysit once in a while it won't be that hard of a sell. 

    3. What's your favorite vacation memory?

    I couldn't possibly choose. I've had the incredible fortune to go too many places to pick a favorite. I have fond memories of road trips as a kid, adventures as a teen and romantic getaways as an adult. Now we're back in "family vacation" mode, but this time we're in charge instead of along for the ride. I'll definitely miss the days of just Dustin and me frolicking on the beach (he's an excellent frolicker!) but I'm really looking forward to forming traditions with our kids and helping create favorite memories for them.   

    4. Who was your favorite teacher (any level of education)?


    There was my 7th grade pre-calc teacher who wore short sleeves dress shirts with pocket protectors. And my 9th grade geometry teacher with a bowl cut (and she was a woman!) and was missing the end of her pointer finger. Or my sophomore year chemistry teacher who serenaded us on the guitar to "stairway to chemistry". And my junior year physics teacher who made a hovercraft out of wood, duct tape and a shopvac, and let us ride it to "I believe I can fly". 

    Or what about in first grade when our teacher dressed up like viola swamp to scare us a little? And my second grade teacher who was so short she had to stand on her desk to get our attention. Or my fifth grade teacher who took three of us on a biology/snorkeling trip to the Bahamas. And my 7th grade health teacher who played the video of a birth backwards while yelling, go back in!! 

    Not to mention my college design professor who is still pretty much my life role model (I want to be her when I grow up).

    Yeah...I had some pretty good ones. 

    5. What's your least favorite household chore and why?
    Cleaning. That's the worst. Oh- was I supposed to be more specific? Cleaning my house. Worst. (Tied with garbage, bill paying, and basically any other activity that isn't eating or sleeping.)

    6. If you could go back to high school, would you do things the same or vastly different?
    Woof. Please show me someone that would go back to high school and do things the same. I submit that you cannot. (or really: should not.)

    7. What sports did you play?


    The usual:
    Rowing
    Bowling
    Power lifting
    (Seriously.)
    But don't ask me about basketball. I got cut in the last round of tryouts in 7th grade because I wasn't "aggressive enough" and I never really got over it. Though it did allow me the chance to become their official statistician. All of the responsibility, none of the cool-factor. That's me in a nutshell.

    8. What's your beverage of choice?  Pop, tea, coffee?


    Coke aka Sweet nectar of the gods. (Seriously- enter "coke" in my sidebar search, and you'll get 4 pages of results.) I have never been a coffee drinker, and don't plan to start (I don't need another vice.) I definitely need some caffeine in my life, but too much makes me feel like a crazy person, so a can (or 2 if I'm getting really wild!) of Coke Zero a day is my (literal) sweet spot.

    9. Music or talk radio?


    Talk radio is my nightmare. I can't have one more thing yapping at me. I listen to the radio in the car, and play pandora in the evenings, but if the kids are around, even that is a bit much sometimes and I just need some quiet. 

    10. How many shows are saved on your DVR right now? (or Netflix queue or whatever space age contraption you use)

    Zero. We gave up cable over a year ago and haven't looked back. More on that saga here.

    That being said- I catch up on The Real Housewives (all but Miami) online (call me if you need help finding a way to watch bootleg shows on the web. I may or may not know a trick or two.), and Dustin and I just started watching Friday Night Lights through Amazon Prime. (Love it! The show and prime!)

    11. What's one movie that you have to stop and watch if you see it while scrolling through?


    Oooh...tough question. I don't think I have one, but I can quote Bring It On verbatim after watching it on VHS several hundred times. Maybe that counts? (See also: Coyote Ugly, and Zoolander).

    ---------------

    Thanks Rachel!
    (part of the deal was I was supposed to post a bunch of rules, and nominate 11 other bloggers....But...um...I'm not going to. Commence with my 11 million years of bad luck, or whatever my blog penance shall be. But if you're reading, and dying to join...consider yourself nominated and leave me a comment so I can scoot over to read your 11 tidbits.)

    **I really wanted to call this entry "Ours go to Eleven..." but I had already used that for a post. Real original, Courtney.

    Tuesday, August 6, 2013

    Show Your Real: Jackie

    I am so excited for today's Show Your Real...I know I say that every time, but I mean it every time! 
    I found Jackie on instagram (@samandjackiephotography...go follow her right now. She'll hate that I'm promoting her so hard, but I'm not sorry and you won't be either!) and I just adore seeing her photos. She's an extremely talented photographer (and iphone-agrapher!) but beyond that I just love the perspective she has. She uses that to capture some amazing moments of her family, and now she's sharing her outlook here with us. I love love love what she wrote, and I know it will bless you as much as it did me. 
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    Not a whole lot makes me wince more than (very) occasional, well-meaning comments along these lines: "How do you do it? You must have so much patience!" "Wow. You're super mom!" "But your kids are so happy all the time! You're such a fun mom!" I'm not kidding. I wince.


    There are two reasons for my reaction. The first reason is, if someone is making these kinds of comments, I know they're at least partly believing the lie. The lie The Internets tell. They look at a handful of selected square photos with selected editing, portraying selected parts of my day... and they believe that's exactly how every moment (or at least the majority) in our home looks. We always watercolor at breakfast time. We always smile lovingly at each other and run out for Sonic slushes after nap. We always have clean kitchen counters. Always, always, always. None of these things are true, of course... not always and not even usually. But, too many sweet women out there take a look at an Instagram feed and make sweeping generalizations in the favor of others and then... in harsh criticism of themselves. I wince because the flip side of "You're super mom" is, by default, "I'm not super mom. I can't get my act together. I never have fun with my kids. I never manage to get the counters clean. I never do crafty things. I stink." Wince.



    The other reason I really don't like to hear well-intentioned compliments like these is it means I've not been careful enough. I haven't been careful enough to show my real. To really let people in... even on my IG feed... to let people in to my very imperfect, tension-filled, stressful, messy (in a bad way) moments. I haven't shown love to others by showing them the truth. I've let the lie live, and I hate that. Comparison is nasty enough when we're dealing with true estimations of ourselves and others. But, it's really, really nasty when the comparison is based on carefully edited, picture perfect half-truths.


    I love Courtney's series here. I love reading the comments and seeing lightbulbs go off. I love when women begin to realize the lies they've been buying into and begin to see things for what they really are. Man, how we all need to hear posts like these!


    So, here's the deal about me. My husband and I have been married for a little over 13 years. We have five children (who really are wonderful, but I'm biased) and we homeschool. I don't do anything special to get the kinds of compliments I mentioned at the beginning of this post. They aren't based on anyone's actual experience with my family (usually). They come up in small talk. Someone at the pool asks how many children we have, and I answer. "You must be super mom." In the course of further conversation it comes up that we homeschool. "Wow. You must be so patient." Because I'm not convinced my kids are going to shrivel up and die on the spot if they eat something that isn't organic (and because I haven't been to the grocery to buy healthier snacks) I give my older kids each a buck for the pool snack bar and they come back with a hot dog or a Klondike bar. "You're such a fun mom!" No, I'm not. Really. I'm not super mom just because we have five kids. I'm not naturally patient. And letting my kids suck down junk food isn't really a valid reason for praising me, either. Now, I'm not going to lie. I hestitate to write this next part. It may be a little too much, really. And some of my fellow homeschoolers are going to roll their eyes and say, "Oh, great! Way to go! Make us all look like huge slackers! Nice job." (Ha ha ha - sorry, guys!). So, as a disclaimer of sorts, you should know that many of my homeschooling friends do things very differently in their own homes. I'm only representing my family here... not all of homeschooldom. I don't really like the way the next paragraph makes me sound. I want to jump in and give explanations. I want to save face. But, I'm not going to. I'm going to show you my real. Okay... let's just spill all the beans at once.


    I sleep late. Like, really late. I wake up at around 9:30am on most school days. My older kids have started school already by the time I stumble downstairs. They do a lot of work independently. We have a very, very loose schedule. I used to be a listmaker, but then I discovered that the more children I had, the more lists took me to Crazytown. Just trying to make one little checkmark was so stressful. So, I only keep super general lists now, and I get even less done. I've kind of evolved into a glorified gypsy of sorts. I may, without much notice, decide it's a field trip day and take everyone away for hours on end. And I may leave a ton of dishes in the sink without a second thought, just to go "gallivanting". Sometimes my family runs out of clean underwear. I really stink at grocery shopping. We eat out way too much. My husband calls me and asks what's for dinner, and I say, "I was going to ask you the same thing!" I go long periods being "fine" with little piles, little bits of clutter, and then one day, out of the blue, I SNAP. I feel like my head is going to explode if I see another wadded up piece of used Kleenex shoved into some nook or cranny of our home. I sass my husband. I'm spoiled. I never exercise and I'm a size 16, but I still ate three cookies at the church cookout tonight. I go days... days... without reading my Bible or meeting with the Lord in earnest. Sometimes I don't want to go to church. My son whines. My older girls pout and backtalk. My baby has been yelling "nooooooooooo!" at us all. week. long.


    I could go on. I could write pretty much everything that (nearly) all the other contributors here have written... word for word. Depression in the past? Check. Struggles with adjusting to a new baby? Check. Harder than I could have imagined marriage pain? Check. In many cases, their struggles are my struggles, too. I do not have it all together. Not. even. close. NO ONE DOES. Please tell me you know that by now. NO ONE DOES.


    But, here's the Glorious Real that transcends all the (kind of embarrassing) real I just shared:

    I am not perfect. Everyday I act in selfish, undisciplined, hedonistic ways. Too often, I live to please myself first and foremost. I am not perfect, but there is One who is. Jesus Christ came to our world, fully God and fully man, to live an absolutely perfect life - the life I could never live - and to keep the Law of God perfectly. My own sin and rebellion against God (selfishness, pride, self-seeking, stubbornness) deserved God's eternal judgment, but Jesus - sinless and perfect - died to cover the debt of my sin, cleanse me, make me whole, and bring me into the kingdom of God as His beloved, adopted child! Now, because of what Christ Jesus has done, God the Father sees me as forgiven. Jesus has taken my sin away. But, just as amazingly - because of Christ - God the Father sees me as perfect. Perfect! Because the righteous perfection of Jesus has been given to me. In church talk, this is what we call justification. God sees me "just as if" I were perfect. And I love Him for it. I love Him for loving me with a mid-boggling love like that. His love is not dependent on my actions. It is not based on my performance. It is not given to me because I've been compared to others and have come out on top. I have been compared to the perfect Law of God and been found wanting. Sorely, desperately wanting. Jesus has freely given His love, His life, totally independent of my own behavior. He has done it ALL. All of it. My salvation is not one tiny bit from what I do. Now, because of this great love, I love Him back. And what does that look like? It looks like fighting. With the power of His Spirit at work within me, I fight against the sinful tendencies that remain. Because of His great love, I do seek to obey Him and follow His ways. Not to gain approval, but because the approval has already been given through Christ! I am serious about being His disciple... and that is going to mean that slowly, gloriously, my life will look more and more like His. My motivation for obedience is love, not performance. My power for obedience is through Christ by the Holy Spirit, not my own. My life is radically turned around at the cross. He rules me. He is my Master, my King, and my Father. He is my perfection. Because He has shone His light in my heart, there really is a lot in my life to be thankful for. Generally speaking, there is far more positive than negative. But, I don't deserve the credit for that. Hear me, y'all. If I speak kindly to my children, that's not me being patient on my own. That's Him conquering my sin and working in me. If it's my doing, it'll be me yelling at them a few short hours later for leaving Saltine crumbs all over the kitchen and living room and hallway floors. If I am diligent in teaching my children, that's not me being super mom. That's Him at work! Changing me! If it's my doing, I'll put an "educational video" on for them and zone out. If I choose to play Monopoly with my son while the baby naps instead of taking a nap myself, that's not me naturally being a "fun mom". That's the power of Jesus... crucifying my selfishness and giving me a sacrificial love for my kids. (Although, sometimes the nap IS more loving in the long run). If it were my doing, I'd never play another board game ever. again. ever. You've probably heard this in Blogland before: "I'm only a sinner saved by grace." That sums up all of what I've written here. The truth is that I am far from perfect. I am a sinner. (I'm also a disorganized gypsy). The even more glorious truth is that Jesus Christ has saved me from my sin, I don't have to and cannot earn His favor - it's a gift He freely gives to those that come to Him! And He is at work in me to constantly make me more like Him. I am not compelled by comparison or performance. I am compelled by my Savior, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

    That's my real. All praise to God.

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    Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

      Monday, August 5, 2013

      Life lately

      I wish I was better at stream of consciousness writing. I mean, don't get me wrong...I know how to ramble...and I definitely wouldn't say I'm particularly adept at being concise. But when blogging, I tend to think every post has to have a purpose. A theme, a narrative or a goal...or at least a comedic angle. And while I love using this space as an outlet for expressing my heart, sometimes it can get a little heavy. Especially in these months after having a baby, I find that my entries skew towards the serious, the deep, and the emotional. Nothing wrong with that, but it's not a fully accurate portrait of the place I'm in. Yes, I've got all kinds of new mom perspective and learnings I'm wading through, but we've also got a big slice of just plain old life going on too. And since this place serves more as an online memory book more than anything else, I want to try to come here more often, with less pressure. I tend to spend a lot of time writing, rewriting, editing, unsticking my brain, deleting and starting over. And while that does lead me to meaningful posts, and stories I'm proud of it can also get in the way. When I can't get my words together, when I can find the cohesion, when I don't have the right photo to juxtapose my point, some stories go unshared. They say that perfect is the enemy of good, so I'm going to attempt to not let my desire for perfect get in the way of getting things out there. Good things. Every post won't be an eloquent essay, but that's ok. There's value in the mundane too. After all...these micro moments- good, bad, messy, incomplete- are what add up to a whole life. A good, bad, messy, incomplete life. 

      I've now spent 300+ words, and 20 minutes finding just the right way to explain that I'm going to attempt to self-edit less, and go with the flow more.  Clearly there is a learning curve here. 

      So bear with me as I try a new approach (for the moment anyway)- a bit of a brain dump. Let a see where it takes us. 

      Our life lately...

      I'm tired. Like the, "looking around for my phone when it's in my hand, using Piper's toothpaste by mistake, starting sentences and forgetting what I....." kind of tired. I expect this to pass...in about five years.

      This is unrelated. But I like seeing her face. 
      At least when I'm able to keep my eyes open. 

      I'm LOVING the stage Piper is in right now. She seems to learn 85 new words a day (ok...maybe not quite. I'm too tired to count). She plays pretend, cooking us little meals and sharing with her animals. She loves to read with us, and actually will sit still to finish entire books (usually). She has mastered full phrases, my favorites being "Bless you, mama" and "it's ok, Fin". I'm trying to take as much video as I can of her in this fleeting toddler stage because I fear one day she'll wake up and be a full blown kid, and I will have missed my chance to capture the adorable way she says fin (shin) and the absolute comedy that it is to see her try to "gump" (jump.)


      I don't want piper to grow up spoiled, but I can see how it happens. Ever since she got old enough to really talk and interact, I've realized how easy it is to get addicted to buying her things, just to see her face light up. I try to keep it to affordable or necessary treats, but this girl is still amassing quite a lot of stuff. The most recent purchase? Zebra pajamas- just because I like to hear her say Ree-ra. (She loved them so much she insisted on wearing them to school the next morning.)


      We've been taking advantage of the time off this summer to spend time in Columbus with my parents, which has been awesome. Piper gets to play, my family gets time with the girls, I get extra hands to help out.  Win win win. (Bonus wjn- Dustin gets some time to himself. Jealous.) ((I'm currently sitting in the park typing while my mom- and a random new playmate- push piper on the swings, and the baby sleeps by my side. Not a bad Monday.)


      When I can find an extra 10 minutes I've been reading for our book club- current selection is Where did you go Bernadette? Highly recommend. 


      We went to the most beautiful wedding this weekend, and had the most wonderful time. I am convinced I need to go to a wedding at least once a month. Dinner, dancing, dessert? Yes, yes, yes. Plus I adore seeing friends in love...hearing them recite vows reminds me of Dustin and I committing to each other nearly eight years ago (next month!) and makes me fall in love with him all over again.


      (It helps that he's handsome!)

      I could survive for weeks, if not months, on the following: hot showers, long naps, grilled cheese sandwiches, and coke slushies. That foursome is the stuff of dreams, and is all I will be requesting for my anniversary, Christmas and my birthday this year. Bonus points if the shower doesn't include a toddler playing "I see you" in the curtain, and of the bed is spit up free. But I'm not picky.


                ...........
      Linking up with Blair!