Little Pip-speaks: Volume 4

The This Girl Cracks Me Up edition.

Pip-speak #1

Mommy: Oh no! Piper, I forgot today was "M" day for show and tell.

Piper: It's ok, Mommy. I didn't bring show and tell either. 

Pip-speak #2

Piper: {Holding a blanket} You want cobered? (her version of "covered")

Daddy: No. 

Piper: Yeah?

Daddy: No thanks.

Piper: Yeah?!

Daddy: Ok. Yes please.

Piper: Good manners, daddy!

Pip-speak #3

Piper: Knock knock

Mommy: Who's there?

Piper: Mama

Mommy: Mama who?

Piper: Courtney Bow-den {pronounced like "tied in a bow"}

Mommy: Courtney Bowden? {pronounced like "take a bow"}

Piper: No- it's my Bowden. You're Courtney Bow-den. You teasin' me!

 Pip-speak #4
Piper: {Some sort of intelligible rambling about green, boots and or a duck}.

**Long Pause**

What my talkin' bout?

Finley Faces: Seven Months

When we first had Fin, time seemed to move so slowly. Part of that was good because we had a chance to savor our sweet little newborn. And part of it was...not as good...because through the hard times, the overwhelming moments, and the struggles- time seemed to crawl.

But we made it through those crazy-sweet, crazy-crazy newborn days and as she's gotten older we've fallen into more of a rhythm. For a while I was telling people time actually seemed to be going slower with our second baby. But alas...somehow a switch got flipped, and our collective clock is somehow set to "warp". 

Our baby is seven months.  

As in, over a half a year. As in, closer to one than none. As in, please someone hand me the giant pause button for life, because it's just so good sometimes I don't want a thing to change. 

But until someone invents a baby DVR (watch the good bits on repeat, skip through the junk, and have your favorite parts cued up whenever you want!) I'll just keep snuggling as much as she'll allow, jotting down as many memories as I can, and snapping all our traditional milestone pics. 

  

Because the feeling that it all goes too fast just reinforces how much I love our sweet little bunny. 

Oh. I mean this bunny:

Xo, Fin. Xoxoxoxo.

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Six more months of Fin-faced fun here:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5, 6.

Getting my stitch together

Last Saturday, I posted this picture to my Instagram, with the caption: 

"finally found the perfect grey to complete my quilt! It's a birthday miracle."

That may seem like I'm over-selling it, but truly, that grey was the crux of everything, and finally finding the color I had in my mind's eye pushed me from the planning stages into the production phase. Monday was a holiday in honor of my birthday (or maybe even something more momentous…) and daycare was open so I was kid free, so I got to spend the entire day making my quilt dreams into quilt realities. (I had already spent a couple nights cutting out all of my pieces, so the day was spent sewing line after line after line after line. With some breaks mixed in for leftover cake. Obviously.)

I'm happy to report that I now have a 100% finished back, and a 90% finished front. We've got one week left in the challenge though, and it's going to be a bit of a push to finish by the deadline. All that remains of the piecing stage is one final stripe (I was waiting to determine the final size of the quilt so I knew how wide to make that last strip…) and cutting off the excess on my sides (in order to get the stripes to line up- or not line up, purposely- the way I like, the sides are all jagged. I made them extra long with this in mind though, so I just have to square up the full finished panel).

Then it's time to quilt. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to run this giant thing through my regular machine (it's twin bed size- roughly 69"x90") so I may have to call in the big guns and take advantage of some local quilt hookups (meaning- a coworker's grandma's long arm machine. Yeah!) Then some binding and we'll be ready to snuggle. I do have to say: it's turning out pretty awesome. I may not finish until January 2015, but I love it so much that it's worth the effort. I think…

Calling all Stitch It Together Participants…How's it going? Are you working your frozen fingers to the bone? Or did you take too many cake breaks and swear off sewing until the Spring thaw? 

Bottled-up

When Fin first went to daycare, she wasn't taking a bottle. To say that it was stressful is an understatement. I had heard for a few moms in the past that their babies never took a bottle, but I just figured they weren't trying hard enough- surely babies will drink it if they have to, right?! But OH, how we tried. We tried every bottle, technique and trick in the book, and she just wasn't having it. Returning back to work, I was desperate to feel comfortable leaving her all day, but beyond that I was also struggling with my role as a mom to an exclusively (and I mean exclusively) breastfed baby. Since then, we've come out the other side, and she now drinks from a bottle like a champ (something only babies and college freshman typically brag about) but the road to this point wasn't easy. We're now finding more and more balance as Fin grows and becomes ever so slightly more independent, and though we still don't have it all figured out, I'm intensely grateful for the road we've traveled (even when it was bumpy) and for the lessons we've learned along the way.

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Originally Written September 26th, 2013 in a Facebook message to my "Book Club" (quotes used, because those ladies have become much, much more than reading companions to me. They listen to my rants, dole out wise advice, and forgive me when I never actually read the book assignment.)

Okay here's the deal- Fin still isn't taking a bottle. Well...not that she won't take it at all...she just hates it, and cries and refuses it much of the time. While I'm at work, she should eat three times, around 4 ounces each time. Her personal best so far is half of that, and about one ounce increments are typical. So she's not flat out starving, but she's closer to it than I'd prefer. Now, she is trying, and is getting better but still I have no confidence when I leave her that she will eat until I return. It's so hard leaving a baby to go back to work, but I've always comforted myself by reminding myself that she'll be well cared for while I'm gone. That she'll be fed, held, and loved. What am I supposed to tell myself now? "Two outta three ain't bad?"

The daycare ladies say she's happy during the day. Sure, she cries, but no more than a typical baby. So if she eats just enough to take the edge off, and then I feed her when I get home, great. However, this isn't really feasible if I ever want to go anywhere other than work. It's one thing to leave your baby all day because you have to, it's another to want to do another optional activity afterwards. So if there is a work trip? I can't take it. If there's a happy hour? I don't go. Night out with friends? Nope. Basically I have a hall pass to go to work, and nothing else. No one is specifically telling me that. But I feel to leave a hungry and struggling baby is selfish, and I can't get over the guilt of leaving her voluntarily after being gone so long already. 

Maybe she'll get the hang of it soon and I'll be able to come and go as I please. And maybe not and it'll be until she's six months, or a year before I get to go anywhere, including date nights with my husband. I know that eventually her eating schedule will lengthen out, and solids will start to fill in some of the gaps too, so I won't be needed every two or three hours, but it's still stressful to feel that there's no real backup plan, unless I'm around. And frankly, I'm not worried about six months, I'm worried about today, and tomorrow, and the next day. I know I should have some sort of perspective that this too shall pass, especially as a second-time mom, and I do, but right now it hasn't passed and I need to figure out how to deal with my "now". 

Extra layer of drama: I'm not only resentful of my current role, but I'm jealous of my husband. Because as long as I'm the sole baby food provider, Dustin is free to do as he pleases. He is the most helpful and giving man I've ever known, and an incredibly involved father, so I'm not actually complaining (me? Never!), but – if he wants to play on the worship team? Yep. If he has an office outing? Sure. Basically he can do anything he wants to do unless I step in as the naggy wife and say no. I don't want to prevent him from having a life outside of work and baby-duty, but I also resent him when it seems that I'm tied down and he's not. (What's that saying about misery loving company?)

Ugh. That was a lot. And I don't know that any one has an actual solution. And I don't know that I actually want a solution. Well, except for her taking a bottle. That would be great.

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And my response to one particularly wise and caring lady's comments:  

Thank you so much for your message. I've been thinking about it and actually... think it's good for me to nurse my babies because it ties me to them. Obviously, of course. But I tend to be someone who can be a little too self-sufficient, and self-centered, even as a mom. If bottles, or especially formula, were an option, I might be too quick to bail when it got tough. Too quick to pawn them off on Dustin, or anyone willing, really. I love those girls more than anything, but I still have a huge attachment to MY life and MY wants and MY needs.

It's possible that God is teaching me something here. Ok. It's not possible. It's certain. It's possible though, that I'm actually learning something. He knows me and my heart, and He knows that I need my babies to need me. I would never neglect them or harm them, but I'm also not naturally inclined to sacrifice to this level. But serving as the sole food source for my babies is serving them. I'm forced to bond with them- wholly and completely- and there is a part of me that goes beyond enduring that burden, and actually loves it. I've loved nursing Fin, more than I did Piper even. And for all my complaining, I would actually be pretty devastated if she took to the bottle so well that she preferred that to me. When Piper was born, she changed my life forever, but I was still able to keep a good portion of my own identity and routines intact. I still made "me time" a priority, and worked like a dog, even while giving myself fully to being a mom as well. Now with Fin, I've found I've had to shake up my priorities. I'm not able to "do it all". I'm forced to make tough choices. Deny myself. Take up my cross daily. And that's a good thing. I think I need a non-negotiable in my life to force me to prioritize what matters. God is showing me where I need to be. I'm hard headed enough that He knows I have to learn things the hard way- or have my choices taken away so my only option is what He would have me do. I guess I'm thankful for that, even though it's hard. Because if things were my way, I might lie to myself that my girls are in good hands and don't need me. That's half true- they are in good hands- but they do desperately need me- Fin especially. And I need to make myself available for that, even if it's hard, and requires me to set aside my current wants, for the collective good. In this season, I'm learning what it means to be a mom first, and all other things second. 

It's so crazy to think that God is tough-loving me through a teeny tiny, wide-eyed bundle of baby...but He is. I've said it before, but this kid is changing me, and I'm so thankful for it. Well...I'm frustrated by it. But I'm also thankful for it. 

God is using this baby to teach me, and better me, and he's using you to teach me and encourage me. And hopefully He's using me for something too... What a beautiful spot to be. 

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It should almost go without saying, but please allow to me to be clear, that no part of this should be taken as a criticism or judgement of anyone who chooses a different path for feeding their babies. Formula isn't evil any more than breastfeeding is saintly. I only know my situation, my baby and my heart. Thus, this is solely a reflection on our journey with breastfeeding- a tough one at times, but one I am thankful for.

30

My birthday's coming...soon...
...like...twenty-some hours left of being in my twenties.

I kept thinking I was going to write some big, dramatic, poignant "I'm Turning 30!" post. But I need big dramatic, poignant feelings to write a big dramatic, poignant post, and those feeling just aren't coming.

Three-oh. It's a big deal. It's a big milestone. It's a big number. But for whatever reason I haven't had big feelings on it. (And you know by now I'm prone to big feelings...) I thought maybe I'd freak out about it, but I haven't. And truth be told, I'm actually kind of excited. Not in the: I'm so excited for my birthday, because birthdays mean birthday cards, birthday parties, birthday presents, birthday cake (I don't actually like cake, but you get the picture) way that I always am. (Though, yes. I am totally excited in that way.) I mean I'm actually excited to BE thirty. It sounds a little bit old. In a good way. In a legitimate way. In a I've been around the block once or twice, don't try to fool me, honey kind of way. (Apparently when you turn thirty you also turn Sourthern, and charmingly snide.) It's an age that conveys some experience, some maturity, and some legitimacy. Trust me, I'm thirty. Or on the flip side: Child, please. Call me when you're thirty. (See? Thirty and Southern aren't that different! In a minute I'm going to start saying "Bless her heart"...I'm thirty. I've earned that right!)

 It's kind of the sweet spot of age, between being too young to know anything and being too old to remember. (Ok, I'm actually hoping that sweet spot is a more like a sweet couple of decades.) Sure, to some it may mark the end of "wild and crazy youth", but let's not kid ourselves: I've been married for eight years, and I'm knee-deep in babies. I think I went ahead and traded most of that craziness already (traded it for a different version of crazy, maybe, but traded none-the-less). I'm settled down, and have been settled for quite some time, so the big looming numbers on my (cheese)cake this year don't have any thing to steal from me. 

So I don't have a list of 30 Awesome Things About Turning 30...And I didn't tackle a bucket list of 30 Things To Do Before Turning 30. But I'm also not throwing a "29 plus 1" party, and I don't have a bucketful of tears about leaving my younger days behind.

Thirty...is thirty. It's old, and it's not. It's young, and it's not. It's different...and it's not.
Thirty is me. I am thirty. And I think it's going to be just fine. 

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If you're in a nostalgic kind of mood, check out the archives for all our birthday fun.

Show Your Real: Lindsay F.

It's taken me a little bit to get into my 2014 groove, but I'm excited to share the first Show Your Real guest post of the year! Lindsay is one of those women that doesn't just talk the real talk, (which would be encouraging on its own!) she also walks the real walk. She has a very low tolerance for…well…B.S., I think she would be bold enough to say, and I love that about her. To know her, is to know the real her, and I love having a friend with such low walls, and such an open heart. 

(p.s. In an effort to simplify things around here, and by here, I mean, my crazy life…Show Your Real posts will now be once a month. There are some fabulous guest writers lined up, and I'm grateful for another year of learning and supporting, and getting real with one another. Thank you for being a part of it!)

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Mother. WIFE. wine. FRIENDSHIP. laughter. Love. TRuTH. jesus.

My name is Lindsay. I’m a mother of two children. Nico turned three in August. Selah turned two in September. I stay at home with the kids, dabble with some consulting and try my darndest to maintain order in a world filled with chaos, pooped diapers and toddler mood swings. I have a wonderful network of women in my life, some are moms and some are not. I write a blog, when I can. And I am a pretty honest, direct person so being asked to “show my real” was an honor, more so than something to be intimidated by. Those who know me well know I’d rather emotionally vomit to a group of strangers than let a friend see my house a wreck, so I find it ironic, that Courtney’s request for me to guest write, came a time when my house was falling apart, among other things.

So here goes, SHOWING MY REAL...

I’ve been forced to relocate to my parent’s house for a sleepover, because our hot water heater broke two days ago and I haven't been able to shower. I'm gross. My kids are even dirtier because, truth be told, I didn't bathe them the day before the water heater broke. When the plumber finally comes, it will be glorious; we may never leave the bathtub!

Sometimes things happen. Unexpected, unpredictable, and annoying things happen. And sometimes bad things happen in bad timing...

Like when I finally committed to losing weight the other week and then I attended a "must go to" event where the only thing served was sausage and potatoes. Life got a little off track after that (in the diet arena). Life is full of untrackable, unavoidable temptations.

Or like when my two year old diaper-less daughter popped a squat on my three year old's pillow yesterday. (Keep in mind, WE HAVE NO HOT WATER!) Life got interesting cleaning that up. Life is full of interesting clean-ups.

Or like when my husband completed grad school with honors and was, and still is, unable to find a job in his field, for going on almost two years. Life gets complicated in the wait. Life is full of waiting for tomorrow's potential.

Or like when my last remaining grandparents died this summer, within seven weeks of each other. The temporal of life got real after that. Life is full of hard realities.

I'm a planner. And I like my stuff in its place. On time. But sometimes, more often than not, life is filled more with the unplanned and unpredictable, more so than the simple and scheduled. Life is most lived in-between events.

Like in the car with the kids going between one place and the next, teaching them Christmas carols and the pledge of allegiance, laughing at missed words and singsong recitations of Up On The Housetop. Regardless of where we are going or what errand we’re driving to next, there's nothing more important than staying in that moment, radio off, laughing with them.

Or like hugs from little ones in the midst of adult grief, questions and doubts. Their precious, unknowing hands and hearts warm the coldest moments. And for a minute, between stresses, there's nothing more important than returning that love.

Or like dates with my husband, where laughter and the carefree people we used to be rear our gregarious heads and we are free of worry for just a little while. There's nothing more important than, in between the cares of the day (or years), laughing with the person I fell in love either all those years ago.

Or like when the hot water broke and we had to relocate to my parents' house. I can't finish this section yet, because it's still broken. But the beauty of life can be found knowing, something awesome WILL happen even in this inconvenience, even in this unplanned and unpredictable, in-between hot water heater moment.

I'm learning not to get stuck in the past or the future. I’m learning that life is the stuff in between. Even when it absolutely sucks. I’m working on reminding myself that my kids won't always be wrecking my organized shelves or eating cheerios off the floor. I’m trying to focus on the reality that this (stage in life/grief process/financial weight/water heater problem) too shall pass.

To get comfortable with the in-betweens, take intentionality and practice. To try and laugh at the unexpected, unpredictable, and annoying things that happen, is a discipline.

Gotta run! The plumber is headed to my house and I need to meet him there. Hot water is-a comin'!! (see, that wasn’t so bad!)

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

Give a Little Bit

The girls are still little, so we haven't exactly landed on a "Christmas gift strategy" yet. In general I want to keep the gifts to a relative minimum so that the greed and materialism of the season doesn't take over. But- I love those two little munchkins, and good intentions aside, it's almost impossible to resist spoiling them. So we tried to rein it in, and even encouraged others to limit their spending (and focus on practical things if they couldn't help themselves) but somehow both Piper and Fin ended up with mountains of toys and treats. And for all my worry about turning them into gift grubbers, it was so so fun to watch them get into the spirit of giving (and receiving). There's pretty much nothing sweeter than a baby learning about wrapping paper (how does it feel? How does it sound? How does it taste?!) And there may not be a more enthusiastic gift recipient than a two year old (stickers!!!! A book!!!!!! CHAPSTICK!!!!!!!!!!!)

Both of my girls are incredibly blessed, and my heart is full watching their eyes light up over such (relatively) simple pleasures. In the coming years, Dustin and I will have to discuss our thoughts on Santa, spending limits, and how to keep things fair ("poor" Fin didn't get nearly the haul that her big sister did, but since she's got such a grateful spirit- and terrible counting skills- she was fine with it). But for we tried to pick a few things for their "wishlist" and it worked out perfectly. 

I know when we look back on our Christmases, we won't remember, or care, much about what was under the tree, but the gifts the girls got tell a little story about what they're into at this stage of their lives...and it's a fun little snapshot in time for me to record. 

Here's Piper's haul:

Backpack- She is obsessed. She would spend hours zipping and unzipping it, hiding her treasures, and weaseling her chubby arms into the straps. And because she can tote her own lunch into "school" it's a win-win for us too.

Doctor kit- I wasn't totally sure if she would get this yet, but she totally loves giving us "check ups", always finishing with a hopeful, "feel better?!"

Apron, oven mitts and chef hat- Piper is in love with her play kitchen from her birthday (she plays with it every, single, day.) And what's a tiny kitchen without a tiny chef? 

Felt and wood food- did I mention she likes to cook? She's been making us multiple "sammitches" a day. So far my favorite combination might be bacon, pickles and grape jelly. 

Animal alphabet puzzle- She's an animal lover through and through (as long as they're just in puzzle form, not live...)

Stickers, books, and playdoh packs- because you seriously, can never, ever, have too many.

Fin was a little hard to buy for, because she doesn't need much, but then so easy because she's delighted by pretty much anything you show her. Here are a few of her favorite things:

Stuffed bunny- My itty-bitty, teeny-tiny, precious little baby is sleeping in her crib now, so she needs a big kid friend to keep her company. She loves how soft he is. But mostly she likes to eat his ears. (And she's pretty annoyed I removed the tags. They were obviously the best part.)

  
Grocery bag toys- Now that sounds a little homeless, but it's actual the cutest little set of grocery themed teethers and rattles. It all comes in a fun bag that sings songs (which Piper loves). Fin is just happy she can jam the "veggies" in her mouth. 

Busy toy- it spins, and lights up, and is all around fun to drop on the ground for your mom to pick up over and over and over again. At least that's how she seems to see it. 

Pop up toy- you had one of these- 5 little doors that pop open when you turn a knob, slide as lever, press a button.... But poor Fin has never played with this one for longer than five minutes, because anyone from 1 to 5 seems to think it's the coolest thing they've ever seen. We actually have to set a timer to get Piper to take turns. That's a pretty good toy.

Books- because you can never have too many books. Even when you're a baby.

So they had a pretty good Christmas. But I think maybe I got the best gifts of all: 

Cheesy, yeah. But seriously, with a couple squooshy-faced clowns like these, what else do I need?

Just Say No

Things I should just say no to:

• McDonald's- It's never delicious. It's actually barely tolerable, but somehow that big mac billboard suckers me in a couple times every year. And every time I'm intensely sorry. I've promised Dustin that I will never (ever) drag him there again, no matter how mouth watering that photoshopped sandwich appears.
• Shutterfly books- I always say they'll take an hour. They always take three and a half days. No 50% off coupon is worth countless hours hunched over a computer screen agonizing over which digital "BABY LOVE!" sticker to place on my snapshot. But dang, if they don't turn out so cute. I just can't quit you, Shutterfly. 

• Furniture- How many dining room tables does one family need? And buffets? How about decorative baskets? Random picture frames? Actually, I should have titled this one: Items in the basement- It is not an infinite realm of storage, nor does it organize itself. I cannot keep throwing things at the bottom of the stairs, and then wondering why I can't seem to find the washing machine. 
• Caffeine after 4pm- it's a catch twenty-two. Without it, I may not make it 'til bedtime (meaning my kids' bedtime at 7 o'clock). With it, I may not fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. And not being able to fall asleep is not a luxury you have when you have an infant that is always just moments away from sounding her "I need you!" alarm. 

• Baby clothes- These girls have everything they could ever need and then some, and Fin especially is set for life. (She may not ever get to wear anything new, but that's the cross little sisters have to bear. Plus, if we're being honest, only half of Piper's clothes were bought new anyway, so don't feel too bad for the little one.) But the siren song of baby clothes is practically irresistible. I constantly force myself to back away from the Target Clearance rack, lest we end up with another Mt. Onesie on our hands.

What about you? Do you have a cruel mistress in your life that keeps dragging you back for more? What would Barbara Bush encourage you to Just Say No to? (besides the drugs. I heard she was pretty anti that).

Little Pip-speaks: Volume 3

The Merry Christmas edition. 

Pip-speak #1

Mommy: It's getting dark…{eluding to bedtime}...What happens when it gets dark?

Piper: It snows!

Mommy: o…k…..And then what?

Piper: Santa comes!!

Pip-speak #2
It gettin' late. I need to go bed. 

Pip-speak #3

Piper: What 'dat? [pointing to a big scented decorative candle]

Daddy: It's a candle. 

Piper: We sing Happy Birf-day Jesus?

Halfsies

It's time for some Happy! 

Happy New Year, of course, but also Happy (late...always!) Half Birthday to Fin!

December 16th marked six full months that we've known our little bundle of joy.  And while I'm not always thrilled at how fast she's growing up, I do honestly fall in love with her a teeny bit more each day (don't worry, it was already a mega-heap to begin with, so the incremental increases are just bonus sprinkles on top of enormous scoops of love). 

We spent the first half of 2013 preparing for her, and the second half adjusting to her (...and enjoying her!)
I'm excited for a full 2014 to get to watch her grow...and of course...a full year to smother her with kisses.

Happy Half Birthday, Fin. We love you wholesies.

Check out her previous faces here:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.